Careful What You Wish/Pray For
Rev. Paul Beckel
February 19, 2006
You can’t have everything.
Where would you put it?
Steven
Wright
So
I commend enjoyment, for there is nothing better for people under the sun than
to eat, and drink, and enjoy themselves, for this will go with them in their
toil through the days of life that God gives them under the sun. When I applied
my mind to know wisdom, and to see the business that is done on earth, how one's
eyes see sleep neither day nor night, then I saw all the work of God, that no
one can find out what is happening under the sun. However much they may toil in
seeking, they will not find it out; even though those who are wise claim to
know, they cannot find it out. All this I laid to heart, examining it all, how
the righteous and the wise and their deeds are in the hand of God; whether it
is love or hate one does not know. Everything that confronts them is vanity,
since the same fate comes to all, to the righteous and the wicked, to the good
and the evil, to the clean and the unclean, to those who sacrifice and those
who do not sacrifice. As are the good, so are the sinners; those who swear are
like those who shun an oath.... Go, eat
your bread with enjoyment, and drink your wine with a merry heart; for God has
long ago approved what you do. Let your garments always be white; do not let
oil be lacking on your head. Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the
days of your vain life that are given you under the sun, because that is your
portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun. Whatever your
hand finds to do, do with your might; for there is no work or thought or
knowledge or wisdom in Sheol, to which you are going. Again I saw that under
the sun the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread
to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to the skillful; but time
and chance happen to them all....
from
Ecclesiastes chapters 8&9
Be careful what you wish for. A few weeks ago I wished for more snow. This
week I got it. Not that it was a devastating snow; the only negative
consequence for me was a little shoveling -- and that was entirely predictable.
But it could have been worse. In fact for someone it was worse. Someone
certainly fell on the ice. Someone probably got into an auto accident. I don’t
think this was my fault. But who knows?
Be careful what you wish for. What we
wish for doesn’t always happen. And that can be disappointing. On the other
hand sometimes our wishes come true...and we find ourselves with new
responsibilities, whether we deserve them or not.
Worst of all, lack of care in what we
wish for may indicate that we’re unaware -- and unappreciative -- of all that
we already have.
GATHERING
HYMN Now Let Us Sing #368
CHILDREN’S
FOCUS The Full Belly
Bowl, by Jim Aylesworth
Summary: An old
man lives alone in a shack in the forest. His circumstances are spare, but he
is content with his cat Josephine. When he does a good deed for an elf, he
finds an unusual gift: a full belly bowl. Amazingly, whatever comes out of the
bowl is immediately replaced. So one wild strawberry can become an endless
supply...or a bowl of stew becomes more than he can eat, it’s even enough for
Josephine. Eventually he becomes a little too content, and Josephine stops
chasing the mice from the house. Eventually, of course, he discovers that money
can also be replicated in the bowl. But he gets overexcited, leaves the bowl
unattended, and a curious mouse turns into more mice than the man and the cat
can handle. The ultimate solution involves putting Josephine in the bowl. In
the ensuing ruckus, the bowl is tipped from the table and broken.
“Your Three Wishes: F.A.Q.,” by David
Owen, in The New Yorker, 1-16-2006
http://www.newyorker.com/shouts/content/articles/060116sh_shouts
“Side Effects,” by Steve Martin, in Pure Drivel
http://www.geocities.com/s00keyjane/side.html
Wishes prayers desires plans intentions
expectations.
If I were to preach today from the
christian tradition I would quote the biblical letter of James and say: Wishing
and praying is insufficient; “faith without works is dead.”
If I were to preach from the jewish
tradition I would paraphrase the biblical book of Ecclesiastes which says
essentially: “What are you whining about? Relax! Enjoy what you have. This is
as good as it gets.”
If I were to preach from the buddhist
tradition I would focus on the concept of desire, and note that desire leads to
suffering. So wishing hoping praying planning intending expecting desiring is
not only insufficient, it could be a path to pain.
And speaking of paths, the path to hell,
of course, is paved with good intentions. So wishing praying hoping intending
may not only get us nowhere, they may get us somewhere we don’t want to be.
If I were to preach from the taoist
tradition I would tell the story of maybe/maybe not. You may recall: A farmer
finds a wild horse. Is this good or bad? Who can tell -- his son falls off the
horse and breaks his arm. Is this good or bad? Who can tell -- the next day the
army marches by looking to conscript every healthy young man; the farmer’s son
gets a pass. Is this good or bad – who can tell?
Be careful what you wish for. Why?
Because you might get it in excess. Or you might get it and find out you didn’t
want it. Or you might get it and want it, but find that it brings new
responsibilities -- or unintended consequences -- for yourself, or for others.
[Prayer, of course, can and should be
many things other than asking and wishing and hoping...but that’s another
sermon. For now let’s just acknowledge the reality that when people generally
use the word “pray,” unfortunately, they’re referring to wishful thinking.]
So, what to do? Not wish, ever? Not desire? Not plan or intend or expect or hope or
pray? If, somehow, you can manage the cessation of all desire, terrific. (Though
even for this there will probably be some unintended consequences.)
A more realistic alternative is to be careful about what you wish for. Be
wise about it. If you’re reaching high – like for a gold medal -- be prepared
for disappointment. Don’t wish without full awareness of the work required to
make your wishes come true... and the consequences and responsibilities that
might arise – for yourself and for others. Winning the lottery. Genetic
engineering. Dikes to hold back the river. Religious freedom. Be careful what
you wish for.
==
When possible, hedge your bets. For
example, there’s a way you can pray even if you don’t believe in god:
My prayer for Snow
Is to park outside the garage
If it snows, I’m happy
If it doesn’t snow, I’m happy
Glory and Praise!
I’ll bet there are many other
applications of this principle – lining yourself up with a consolation prize
even if the jackpot doesn’t come through.
Or maybe it’s a matter of being mindful
of the consolation prizes that already
exist...all around us.
==
I think we wish most wisely when we’re aware of the context from which we are
wishing.
How often do we wish for something new
because we’ve become oblivious-to or unappreciative-of what we already have?
When we complain about the cost of drugs
and their side effects, do we remember that it’s the drugs that make it possible for us to complain? Do
we even realize that most of the side effect in life arise from our own
choices, or are we, ironically, upset about having
choices that our parents never had?
Now of course some “choices” are not
entirely ours to make as individuals. We make them collectively – as a society.
For example, as a society we have chosen to spare no expense to replace our
body parts, and extend our lives.
Is this good or bad -- who can tell? I’m
just saying that it is a choice. And we can accept it and be glad for the
benefits...or fight to reverse (or fine tune) our priorities. But wishing and
complaining without action are pointless.
==
To truly be careful what-we-wish-for,
we’ve got to be fully-conscious of what we’ve got. A little historical
perspective may help. Today almost 70 percent of Americans own their own homes.
A century ago it was less than 20 percent. How has this become possible? Via
the suburban housing tract. Those who scorn suburbia “have forgotten that
Progressive Era thinkers initially proposed the suburb, long[ing] for exactly
this form of housing in order to bring dignity, and some tranquility, into the
lives of the working class.” [Gregg Easterbrook in The Progress Paradox]
There were other dreams, of course, of
bringing dignity to the working class. The Bolsheviks, observing that the
Russian proletariat lived like most humans for most of human history – without
education, proper nutrition, decent housing or health care, sought another
means to getting a share of ownership by knocking the superwealthy off their
high horses. Their wish came true, kind of.
It’s no surprise that people wish for
things to get better. Over the last 100 years in the U.S., there was so much
improvement needed, and yet, so much happened so fast, that Americans were
reasonably content with homes and cars and educations and leisure -- not even half of what we have and expect today.
Our parents and grandparents had hopes that things would get better...and these
hopes have largely materialized. As much as we like to rally for improvements
for basic human needs for our neighbors – and we should – the improvements that
have already been made over the past few generations in housing, poverty,
education, and life expectancy are astonishing.
Today we’ve got it so good – materially
-- that it’s hard to hope for better. I personally can’t imagine a life much
better than the one I have. So I need to be careful what I wish for. Because if
I’m wishing for things to get better for myself, then a) I’m almost certainly
going to be disappointed; and b) I’m wishing for things I don’t need.
So if we can’t imagine improvements for
ourselves personally, perhaps we can imagine/wish/work for improvements for the
environment and those around us. Yeah, that would be good. Except – did you
know that even on environmental matters things are getting better?!
Yes, I know it goes against the grain of
hell-in-a-handbasket preaching, but a lot of things are getting better. When
Thoreau wrote Walden in 1854 he lamented that deer were extinct and that he’d
never see one. Now we wish they’d stop eating our gardens.
When Richard Nixon rode his presidential
yacht on the
Still, I get nervous when I hear reports
of good news about the environment. Eagles coming off the endangered list. The
ozone layer reversing its decline and actually beginning to rebuild itself.
Wow! Why is good news so upsetting?! I fear a national slip back into
carelessness. And, I can just hear the other side saying “see we told you you
were overreacting.”
As a social critic I hate to see crime
fall when the wrong people are in office, or teen pregnancy go down when
abstinence education goes up. As a
political person, I love to watch when my opponents make ridiculous mistakes.
There’s often great advantage or at least great comedy to be taken from the
other side’s foibles and errors. Unfortunately there are also often severe
consequences.
Democracy – be careful what you wish for.
“The elections in
No wonder good news scares people.
In his recent
state of the union address President Bush acknowledged that “
In the 2000 election, those who wished
for the Green Party to get noticed got a significant percentage of the vote for
Ralph Nader.
Sometimes we wish for things without
realizing that our position is already so good it cannot get better. “An April
2002 edition of CBS Evening News led with a
==
Things have gotten better all over. Mountain climbers and adventurers have high
tech clothing and global positioning satellites to enable those with
comparatively less ability and good-sense to climb into remote places where
they can be rescued by helicopter. So safety features tend to increase the
number of climbers, and the number of casualties.
Painkillers and anti-inflammatory drugs
used by athletes have astonishing powers. This week we’ve seen Olympic skiers
in devastating wipe outs, hospitalized, and competing again a couple of days
later. I hate to think of their risk for chronic disability when the drugs wear
off.
Things have gotten so
much better in weather prediction that the U.S. Weather Service has been sued
-- successfully -- for failing to forecast an ocean storm that killed some fishermen.
Things have gotten so much better in
medical care that utilization has increased exponentially. So if even a tiny
tiny fraction of the time something goes wrong, medical malpractice becomes an
enormous issue. When doctors were less capable, litigation was rare.
Perhaps the ancient teacher had it right
when he repeated 5 times in the short book of Ecclesiastes: Eat, drink, be
merry, and enjoy the toil your are given, for our days are short and no one
knows when they will end.
==
I wish... I wish
my house were sparkling clean and in stunningly good repair. And, actually, it
is, or at least it’s as good as it’s going to get on my watch. Still, my wish
is especially strong because my house is for sale. So whenever we learn that
someone wants to come look at it I rush around cleaning things that are already
clean. Last week I almost knocked a mirror off the wall when I cleaned it for
the fourth time.
But of course
I’m going to do this. I wish to get back from the house what I’ve put into it.
Isn’t that the way it’s supposed to be – that you reap what you sow? That hard
work is rewarded? That the thousands
of dollars and hundreds of hours we’ve put into my backyard landscaping will
pay off? Not according to Ecclesiastes:
“...the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to
the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to
the skillful; but time and chance happen to them all.”
Yes, time and chance happen to us all. So isn’t this
weird: I was disappointed to find myself selling the house in February, when
potential buyers would be unable to see our beautiful landscaping. But we’d
found another house which we snapped up because amazingly, it meets all the
complicated requirements of not only Jane and I but also her parents, who are
moving in with us. In this complex equation, landscaping became a very low
priority, and we bought the new house without even knowing what was there,
under all that snow. After our offer was accepted we learned that the new house
was owned by a master gardener and was on a tour of great local gardens!
So, do we get what we wish for? Do we get
what we deserve?
What is grace? What is serendipity? A
couple of months ago Jenny Sorenson, who keeps the children’s library upstairs
looking great told me that she was going to buy some new books. She asked me if
I had any favorites that I’d like her to get. I emailed her a list (which
included The Full Belly Bowl – not knowing that I’d have use for it so
soon). Another one I asked her to consider buying was called Finding the
Green Stone. It’s a fairly obscure
book; I’d only seen it once, years ago, and have always regretted that I didn’t
buy it then. A few days later, Finding the Green Stone appeared on the
desk in the volunteer center. There is no way anyone could have known that I
wanted that book. (Unless someone is monitoring my email.) Jenny swears that it
wasn’t her – she hadn’t even begun to look for books yet.
==
On
the other hand, grace can also mean getting things that we did not wish for –
or arriving at new levels of understanding and maturity in ways that we would
not wish upon anyone. In his book When Bad Things Happen to Good People
Rabbi Harold Kushner, who lost a son to a childhood illness, writes, "I
would forego all the spiritual growth and depth which has come my way because
of [my experience], and be what I was 15 years ago, an average rabbi, an
indifferent counselor, helping some people and unable to help others, and the
father of a bright, happy boy. But I
cannot choose.”
==
What would you
choose? What do you wish for? A new job, a new relationship, a new church? Are
these wishes good or bad –
who can tell?
Are you looking for a person or a job
that will amplify your strengths? Or
complement your weaknesses? Or are you rebound wishing – looking for a partner
or job -- or perhaps a church -- which is exactly the opposite of your current
or most recent partner or job or church?
Yes, you’ve
heard me say many times over the years that we should be hopeful, dream big,
plan, take risks, and yes, even pray. Yes. And we should be careful what we
wish for.
==
Maybe every
learning experience is something like the standard “three wishes” story. The
first wish turns out to be careless, or excessive; so with the second wish we
attempt to reverse the effects of the first one.
Then the third
wish brings us around to where we started, or breaks the bowl. But it also,
finally, puts us in a position of some advantage -- in that we’ve become wiser
for having had to pick up the pieces.
CLOSING
HYMN My Life Flows on in Endless Song #108